If Last Saturday Night Happened Entirely on Twitter

I'm not even going to say it, cause we all know it's probably not true. I'll try to be better with the blogging, but let's be honest, my last post was almost a year ago...but, something has brought me out of hiding, an event so ridiculous that it is begging to be blogged. :)

So, Saturday evening started out as any other (if your standard of "any other" is a 6+ hour session trying to format a book for trade paperback publication...) but it escalated into something I'm still trying to comprehend completely. It was hilarious, horrible, and a little harrowing all at the same time. But, for some reason, I feel compelled not to simply tell you about it, but to recant the tale in a Twitter format...I don't know why, it seemed funny at 3:30 Sunday morning, so we'll see how this goes.

Oh, and it should go without saying, but names have been changed to "protect" those involved (also, cause we came up with fun aliases...no disrespect to anyone was intended). Oh, and there's likely some language that some people might find offensive. Sorry about that...can you bleep it out yourself? Cause it made it funnier when we were coming up with this ridiculous blog post. (Color coded for easier reading...or to make it more difficult to read, I'm honestly not sure)

It all started here:

6:00PM

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

Ok, this is where imma be at, in case something happens...keep yo' phones on (address deleted for security).

TOWANDA @towandadotcom

Got it. Stay safe, bitch. :)

Seems normal enough, right? Well, it wasn't until a couple hours later that things started really getting interesting...take a look.

8:30PM

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

OMG. Kid's still sleeping. He's gonna be up all MF night. I mean who lets their kid start napping at 5PM??? Who does that? #babysitting

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

And, now he's up...and screaming like a banshee...guess he doesn't like waking up to a stranger in the house. Great. Is it 11:30 yet?

TOWANDA @towandadotcom

OMG. So sorry, girl. #notafanofkids

11:15PM

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethe third

Ugh. Bitch just asked to stay out later. WTF? I said best be home by 12:00.

LAFAWNDA @lafawndamd

Seriously? That just happened? What's wrong with this chick? #someonestakingadvantageofyou

TOWANDA @towandadotcom

If she knows what's good for her, she'll be home by midnight...or else me an @lafawndamd are gonna MAKE her come home. This isn't cool.

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

OMFG. She jus' said prolly closer to 12:30, cause she gotta drive some other bitch home first. Imma tell her I'm leaving in 15 minutes.

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

Not really gonna of course...I'd never leave kids alone like that. That's not cool.

12:15AM

TOWANDA @towandadotcom

Whatcha up to @shaniquaesquirethethird? Still hangin' with the homies?

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

Haven't heard anything, she should be home soon. And then I can get home.

12:29AM

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

Spoke too soon...just got this message: #seriously

CRAZYBITCH @crazybitchdontcareboutyou

I ain't leavin' my girl here. You gonna hafta stay with my kidz for a while still.

Retweeted by: @shaniquaesquirethethird

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

@crzybdontcareboutyou WTF???? We said 11:30. Best get home now, leave your girlie and take care of yo' kids.

LAFAWNDA @lafawndamd

For realz. Call the po-po's. Tell them what the sitch is, make them deal with it. #notyourproblem

CRAZYBITCH @crzybdontcareboutyou

@shaniquaesquirethethird OMG. I can't leave my homies. That's not cool. Chill the eff out.

TOWANDA @towandadotcom

Ok, that's it. @lafawnda let's go get this bitch. Applebee's here we come.

CRAZYBITCH @crzybdontcareboutyou

Oh, my hubby is gonna be pissed if you leave mah kidz. He's the one paying you anyway.

TOWANDA @towandadotcom

Where the eff is he anyway? @crzybdontcareboutyou #makebelievehusband

CRAZYBITCH @crzybdontcareboutyou

@towandadotcom Not like it's your damn business, but he's either working, or with some of his own kids, somewhere.

1:00AM

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

OMG. Bitch ain't home yet. WTF, @crzybdontcareboutyou? Where the hell are you?

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

I'm getting a little worried. Are you drunk? Are you ok? Are you on your way home yet? Why aren't you answering?

TOWANDA @towandadotcom

Seriously, we're going to Applebee's now. I've had enough of this. #bitchisgoingdown

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

No, come here instead. I'm a little uncomfortable being in @crzybdontcareboutyou's house alone.

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

Oh, BTW, @crzybdontcareboutyou I got peeps comin' over, cause I don't trust you. 

LAFAWNDA @lafawndamd

Ok, we'll come over, but @towandadotcom and I really can't afford to get arrested. Just sayin'. 

1:15AM

TOWANDA @towandadotcom

Knock. Knock. #dontwakethekids

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

What the effing eff???? Who has a key lock on BOTH sides. I'm effing locked in here. Oh, wait. There's the key.

LAFAWNDA @lafawndamd

Ok, that's it. We're callin' the cops. Now. @shaniquaesquirethethird gimme your phone.

DAPOLICE @thepopos

Ok, let's hear this story @shaniquaesquirethethird

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

Hold, please. @crzybdontcareboutyou is on the other line. Wonder what the bitch wants.

CRAZYBITCH @crzybdontcareboutyou

Hey y'all. I don't want strangers in my house. You need to leave now. My husband says to get out and leave the kids.

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

Ok, ok. No need to get all crazy. We're outta here. @crzybdontcareboutyou key is under the mat. don't drink and drive bitch.

1:20AM

TOWANDA @towandadotcom

Ok, back to calling @thepopos. They need to know what's goin' on here.

DA POLICE @thepopos

Glad you called back. What's the haps? #weuseslanglanguagetoo

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

Ok, well, just read Twitter, you'll see everything, I don't want to tell it all again.

DAPOLICE @thepopos

Ok, we see what's up. Someone will be by soon to take a statement, don't leave.

2:00AM

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

Hey, @thepopos where the eff are you guys, it's been almost an hour! (BTW, @crzybdontcareboutyou STILL isn't home.)

DAPOLICE @thepopos

Oh, sorry about that...there was an actual #emergency. We're on our way.

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

And the #bitch STILL ain't home. #shouldcallcps #nowimsurethehubbyisimaginary

2:20AM

TOWANDA @towandadotcom

Oh, here they are. Finally. About time. #anhourlater

2:25AM

LAFAWNDA @lafawndamd

Why the hell is he still in the car?? #comeoneweretired

CRAZYBITCH @crzybdontcareboutyou

Eff you all. I'm home now. Don't see what the big deal was. Chill out. My hubby will contact you tomorrow...after he files a report on y'all.

OFFICERNICEGUY @niceandfunnytoo

Hey, I think I'm caught up, but I want to hear it from @shaniquaesquirethethird

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

OK, here's the story...well, you can just read it above. 

OFFICERNICEGUY @niceandfunnytoo

Yeah, we've been called out here to @crzybdontcareboutyou's house before. We pretty much know everyone by name.

LAFAWNDA @lafawndamd

So, if @shaniquaesquirethethird had actually left the kids, would she have gotten in trouble?

OFFICERNICEGUY @niceandfunnytoo

Nope. Parents are responsible for their kids 24/7. @crzybdontcareboutyou you should try and remember that...

OFFICERNICEGUY @niceandfunnytoo

Don't ever feel bad about calling us. You did the right thing. Although nothing will ever come of this... #honesty

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

Ok, cool. That makes me feel better.

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

@towandadotcom and @lafawndamd Thank you both so much #besties #luvmyfriends

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

One more favor though...can you follow me home? I'm still a little shaken up and afraid of @crzybdontcareboutyou

TOWANDA @towandadotcom

You got it. 

LAFAWNDA @lafawndamd

@shaniquaesquirethethird and @towandadotcom y'all should come in for a few minutes, we need to decompress #crazyassnight

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

Ok, but just for a minute #sofreakingtired

An Hour Later...(aka 3:30AM)

TOWANDA @towandadotcom

Ok, I really need to get some sleep...time to head #home Still want someone to follow you @shaniquaesquirethethird?

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

@towandadotcom Nah, I'm ok now. Thanks though. (Prolly call you when I get home, so I can check for #crazies with someone else on the line)

SUNDAY 2:00PM (ish)

CRAZYBITCH @crzybdontcareboutyou

Hahaha. Take that @shaniquaesquirethethird #blocked What do you think of that?

SHANIQUA @shaniquaesquirethethird

@crzybdontcareboutyou I don't #giveashit #haveanicelife

And that's about it. Yes, it was funnier on Saturday/Sunday when we were all hopped up on adrenaline...but I had to post it anyway. For the two of you reading this that haven't already heard the story. And, of course for Shaniqua, Towanda, and Lafawnda who will no doubt giggle about this for a long time. I know I will. 

-- Kelly :)

Dawson's Creek Made Me Do It

For those of you who know me, you know that I watch a lot, and I mean a LOT of television and movies. As someone with a degree in the field, I sort of feel I'm entitled, cause I'm likely doing research, even if I don't realize it at the time. :)

So, I found Dawson's Creek on Netflix, and I felt all nostalgic, wanting to re-watch a show I loved in college. I've been watching it for almost a week, and it made me realize a few things. First, my high school sucked, facilities-wise. Second, Dawson's Creek had a major timeline flaw. Third, I needed to get my butt in gear on something that I've been putting off…which is the point of this whole post.

I'm going to avoid going off on a tangent about how Hollywood glamorizes high school facilities and college dorms right now, because as I started writing my tangent, I realized that I have enough random thoughts garbled in my brain to make an entire post…so for now, tangent avoided. And back to the issue at hand, blaming Dawson's Creek…

For a couple of years now a business partner (and one of my very best friends) and I have been working on a project, a feature-length film shot entirely on a Flip Mino HD camcorder. We've done some research on self-distribution and getting it out there in other ways, and a DVD screener and film packet has been sitting on one of our two desks for the last 12+ months…all it needed was one itty-bitty letter…and a stamp. Well, today, that screener packet went in the mail. And now I'm feeling sick, but the good kind, all the crazy anticipation in waiting for a response on something.

So how does a show about teenage angst get blamed for this seemingly good thing you ask? Well, it's simple, watching Dawson, a high school student obsessed with movies, made me realize that my own project was just collecting dust, and that wasn't fair to all of us who put in some long, arduous hours on this movie. So I wrote the necessary letter, got the stamp and set it out. And the blame? Well, if people don't like it, now I might actually hear that, whereas the safe place on my desk kept it shielded from criticism. So, thanks, Dawson…either it's all your fault, or many thanks will be in order. :)

So for now, I wait with baited breath to see if someone says something...good or bad...and then we'll go from there.

-- Kelly :)

Another Open Letter...

Dear, well...everyone who sends emails:

Please, please, please, for the love of all that is holy, learn the difference between the "Reply" button and the "Reply to All" button, and when it is appropriate to use the latter. If someone sends out an email to a group, and that group is having the same conversation, and all parties need to be involved the whole time, please, by all means...reply to all. HOWEVER, if someone emails a distribution list, asking for informtion back that does not necessarily need everyone involved the whole time...just reply to the sender. I see this all too often, and it is unnecessary inbox clutter. However, because I am the type of person who refuses to reply to all to tell people NOT to reply to all...(Pot? Meet Kettle.) I will suffer through this inbox warfare.

That is all, you may now return to doing very important things.

Later,
Kelly

P.S. Happy St. Patty's Day! ;)

Saying Farewell To An "Unexpected" Gem

Ok, I'll be the first to admit when I'm wrong. (Well, maybe not the first, but if I am wrong, eventually, I will tell you that.) And, I was wrong.

When I first saw the teasers/previews for Life Unexpected, I sort of got the impression that we've "been there, done that" before. I mean, a woman who had a child at the age of 16 and is now trying to raise her 16 year old daughter, sound familiar??? But this new mother/daughter combo was about as far from Lorelai/Rory as possible. That was evident from the moment that Lux Cassidy stepped onto the screen, and kept going right until the final frame of last night's season series finale.

I didn't start watching the show when it began...I was a little behind the times, almost a full season actually. I read a lot of different blogs, websites, etc. and so many of them gave accolades to Life Unexpected that I thought I would check it out. The first episode caught my attention with an emotionally charged episode and characters that were - real. The relationship between Baze, Cate, and Lux was not a unique one, so many of us come from a "broken" home in one way or another...but this trio was able to pull at just the right heartstrings time and again, giving the audience just what they needed. (Note, what the audience needed and what we wanted can often times be two different things...just saying.)

The first season gave great insight into each of the characters, and we, as an audience, learned about each of their quirks, and quickly fell in love with them. Whether you were "Team Baze" or "Team Ryan" for Cate, and "Team Bug" or "Team Jones" for Lux, (hmmmm....."Team whatever" should probably be on the list of banned phrases for 2011, but that is a post for a different time), you had a team. It isn't often in a world where "Reality TV" is king, and awful, scripted shows can span several seasons, (well after they should have been put to rest...again, a post for another time) that a creative, funny, sad, poignant, and dramatic program can capture so many emotions in a single hour. Was it cheesy at times? Sure. Contrived? Of course. But throughout all of that, the characters were people, just like us, with our faults and flaws and problems. (Oh, my!)

The second season brought about a couple of wonderful cast additions, including Buffy alum Emma Caufield, and Melrose Place's (2009, not 1992) Shaun Sipos. These two cast members added even more drama to the lives of, well, pretty much everyone...not that they needed it. Emma added some of her comedic relief into Baze's life (and made a great Roswell reference too..."So your ideal woman - let me guess; pint size, big eyes, sort of looks like that chick from Roswell?" Love it!)

There was one problem with this show, however...ok, I'm sure there were a lot of problems with the show, but go with me on this one. It wasn't given nearly enough time to really find it's footing or it's audience. (Well, I guess that it was given enough time...more than a full 22 episode season, which is more than a lot of show get, but when split up into two separate seasons, you lose a lot of momentum.) The sophomore season of the show had a LOT going on, and had the show been given a longer run, I think some things might have taken a different turn.

Last night's finale episode, however, had everything that I wanted it to. Laughter, tears, and a couple of the trademark, "Oh, no, they are NOT going there! Are they? No. Not poss- oh, yep...they sure did go there." moments. And the final scene? Perfect. (See above re: "Was it cheesy at times? Sure. Contrived? Of course.", but perfect nonetheless). I'm a sucker for the "... Years Later" bit, cause I like closure, and nothing says closure like "we know you don't get to see how they got "there", we just wanted you to know that they did, indeed, get "there"." (Although, I must admit, I don't really buy the whole "Lux as valedictorian" thing...I mean, really, that was a stretch...seriously.) I also loved how Lux finally called Cate and Baze "Mom" and "Dad"; that was well deserved. Also, while there was CLEARLY a lot of relationship switching going on, everyone ended up happy, which fed the hopeless romantic in me quite nicely. (Albeit, maybe a little too happy...I mean, great for Ryan and whats-her-name...but that was probably one of the least realistic pairings of the whole show)  And, it just goes to show how quickly you can change from season to series finale with a single well placed scene (or from series to season, as Supernatural managed to do quite well last year).

So, it is with sadness that we bid farewell to Life Unexpected...too soon if you ask me.

Day Three - No Computer

No, not my personal computer (as evidenced by the fact that I'm writing this blog. Although, come to think of it, I do have a blogger application on my fabulous Android phone, so it could be feasible that I am computerless and still blogging...but I'm not. Just so we're clear) it is my work computer that I have been without since Friday now...and I say day three, because, as it is my work computer, I am only counting work days...

Ok, so I'll be the first to admit that sometimes there isn't anything going on at my job and it can get a bit, um boring. Not that I don't have a lot of projects to work on, but it is quiet in the office and when it gets too quiet, the time seems to drag on...I mean really.

So, on Friday morning, I wasn't able to get my computer to power up, except for this...

 

Yes, as you can plainly see...that is the Windows "I didn't shut my computer down right, so it will see if I want to boot up in Safe Mode" screen...except it isn't in English. In fact, it is not in any language (no matter what you say, Ms. "I can read some of it so it must be SOME language" lady who fixed my computer.) So, I email our in-house "geek squad" (no, I don't work for Best Buy, I just like to call them that...) and I get out of office replies for BOTH of them...I mean, really?! So, I call our help desk and the very nice lady there puts in a ticket for me...a couple of hours later a woman several hours away from me tells me that I can overnight her my computer, she'll get a new one ready and send it my way...

Long story short...well, long story medium at any rate, it is now Tuesday afternoon and I *might* have my computer back tomorrow, but Thursday is more likely. So, I am completely incapacitated at my job, as I have no access to any of the systems I use...save email of course. And, if I'm lucky, she will have been able to at least recover SOME of the stuff that was on my desktop...otherwise, I'm building files all over again from scratch...

So, that's all I've got for now...

-- Kelly

Zero Tolerance Policy

No, not that kind of Zero Tolerance Policy (although I have zero tolerance for that too...and a host of other things, actually...hmmmm, perhaps this should be a recurring feature; something to consider later, certainly.)

Today's Zero Tolerance is, however, dedicated to stupid drivers. Yes, you know who you are. Now, I'm not claiming to be a perfect driver, far from it, actually, but I do know what is going on inside my vehicle, outside my vehicle, and in the lanes surrounding me. And, as I realize that I do not have the "patience of a saint" to be perfectly cliche, I try to let these things just drop after they happen. However, between yesterday and today, in basically less than 24 hours, I have encountered THREE stupid drivers, and I simply can't let it pass...so, if this was you, and by some miracle you are reading this, please, learn how to drive, and if you can't figure that out, perhaps you could look into some form of mass transit.

Now, I realize that some of you may be thinking "Have you thought that perhaps YOU are the stupid driver?" And, honestly, yes I have...but in this case, I'm pretty certain that it isn't me. So, I thought that  would share these "incidents" and you can be the judge...

Encounter One - Saturday Afternoon
I am driving down a "road" behind a couple of business establishments. It is more than an alley in size, but still, not really designed for two full lanes. If there are no cars on either side of the road, two cars can pass through in opposite directions, but as the parking lots leave something to be desired, there are often cars lining both sides, making it possible for only one way travel at a time. I am heading west on this "road" (and, of course, as previously described, the street is lined with cars on both sides, so only one car can fit through the path at a time.) when a woman comes flying around the corner, heading southeast. I see her and hit my brakes (I'm going probably faster than I should be, given the circumstances, I'm not going to lie, but she was going dangerously fast for where we were.) She SLAMS on her brakes, I even see her car bounce a bit from the force. Now, as she is clearly heading in the direction that I just came from, and there is NO ROOM for her to squeeze by me, I begin to go again. So does she. We both stop again. Now she puts both of her arms out in a "WTF are you doing, lady?!" kind of gesture. So, being the non-stupid driver that I am, I point to myself, point in the direction that I am heading, point to her, point back in my direction, in a statement that says, "I'm going that way, you're going where I am currently sitting, thusly making your travel not possible at the moment. Wait three seconds and then you'll have plenty of room to drive like a maniac." Then I wave at her (yes, with ALL FIVE fingers, I did really wave - and smile too!!) and said as I drove by "Have a nice day!" (not that she could hear me, but it was still the principle of the thing...)

Encounter Two - Sunday Morning
I like to drive fast, I do. I try to drive just slow enough to not get pulled over, which works sometimes, but fails epically other times. So, when I am already driving 60 on a two lane highway where the speed suggestion is 50, I don't really expect people to pass me. However, sure enough, I see this car in my rear view mirror this morning, begin to do just that. So, she pulls around me, flies by, gets back into the correct lane of traffic, and hits her brakes - HARD. I slam on mine, so as to not crash into her, and just when I'm thinking she almost caused an accident by being a jerk, thinking it would be funny to slow down once she passed me or something like that, she turns a hard left. So, not being a jerk, but being so engrossed in the fact that I wasn't driving fast enough for her, she passes me not realizing that the road she needs to turn onto is about 500 feet away...

Encounter Three - Sunday Afternoon
Now, this guy, technically wasn't driving, he was parked, however, he is being included in this post because of his ability to still be a complete idiot on the road. So, I pull into my apartment complex, and head for my assigned parking space. As I get close, I see that someone is parked, idling, obviously waiting for someone. Now, this parking lot has the room for two cars to fit by each other, pretty easily, so getting around him shouldn't have been too much of an issue. Except for the fact that he wasn't really by the curb, or the parked cars, but more in the middle of the road. Oh, and also, I wasn't trying to get by, he was blocking my assigned parking space...sorta. I realize that if you don't live there you might not know that the are assigned, so I honk my horn. Once. He points out the window to the left, indicating that he is waiting for someone in that building. Fine, I'll try to squeeze by and turn into my space...hopefully I won't swipe your car in doing so. At this point, any normal person with some common sense would, I hope, realize what I am trying to do and perhaps back up their car allowing me to maneuver into my space. Does this guy? No. Hence the stupid driver award. I mean, come on. And then, you wave at me when I get out of the car? What IS that? Is it, "sorry I'm an idiot" or "see, I knew you could do it!" ? I'm honestly not sure, and I'm not sure which is worse...

So, that's it...all three of my stupid driver stories from this weekend. Your turn...is it them or me?

Rebranding to Begin

So, I wanted to change the name of the blog for a while now, and since a lot of people aren't reading it quite yet, it seemed like the perfect time! :) So, sans drum roll, here it is! Shiny Objected...because, well, it is my term - no matter what you hear elsewhere, and I am one of the best at being Shiny Objected, and well, a lot of what I post is due to something that HAS Shiny Objected me...SO. New name, new look coming soon, same fun blog!

That's all I've got for now...but more to come soon!

-- Kelly