Saturday, June 12, 2010

An Open Letter To The Obnoxious Guy In My Office...

Ok, so I know what you are thinking..."There's only ONE obnoxious guy in your office? Lucky you." Yeah, well, you have to understand my office first...a lot of the time, I am likely one of the only people here...for a large corporate office, most of the people who "work" here are out in the field all day. So, on any given day there are probably less than 10 people in the whole office, and maybe only three or four on my side (aka, people I can hear). So, keeping that in mind, for the most part I am lucky. Except for the one jackhole.

Now, realistically, there are quite a few people who are probably worse, both in my office and, well, in general. But this guy REALLY grates on my nerves...so, here's my letter:

Dear Obnoxious, Loud, Jackhole (I love this new insult...not entirely sure where I got it from (it might be the Harbinger...he knows who he is), but I'm keeping it):

Please stop. You sit three ROWS of cubes away from me, yet I can hear your entire conversation as if you were actually in my cube. I don't really care what you had for dinner last night, where or what you are hunting this weekend, or why you think Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a better show that Firefly. (Although, bonus point for the last one, I mean, that is definitely a valid discussion...however, the fact that I was not a part of that discussion means I should not have heard you having it.) I know exactly what projects you are working on at any given time, every single conference call that you have (and every opinion that you give on those calls) and I have heard just about every "office-inappropriate" word out there.

I know exactly how you feel about your current and former places of employment, and let me just say, if you are that miserable, perhaps you should seek alternate employment. I am also "lucky" enough to hear all of the yelling that you and your assistant do between cubes. You are two cubes away, perhaps one of you should get up and mosey to the other cube so the whole office doesn't know what projects you are working on, cause believe me, no one cares...we've got our own projects. Or, if that is too complicated, call each other on the phone...although, that probably wouldn't solve the issue...see the rest of this post. (And, if I may shiny-object here for a moment, your assistant is next on my list. I have never known someone to argue with his or her significant other that publicly before...seriously, if the constant clicking of the keyboard weren't a dead giveaway that the area of the office that you obviously assume is vacant when you are (unsuccessfully) trying to have a discreet conversation is in fact, OCCUPIED, then perhaps you need to have your hearing checked. I do not need your conversations intruding on my day any more than I do your boss'.) I can't even drown you out with Pandora streaming in my cube (mmmm...Pandora...a topic for my next blog - I ♥ Pandora!)

So, loud, obnoxious guy in my office, I implore you. Please, please, please be mindful of other people, and learn to lower your voice. I mean, seriously, I have friends with toddler aged children, and they all understand the difference between inside voices and outside voices. Take a lesson from them.

Have a nice day.

-- Kelly ( :

2 comments:

René said...

You've got to check out the Dear Girls Above Me guy. I think you two would get along famously.

Kelly said...

Rene, thanks! I follow him on Twitter already...he's hilarious. :) I'll check out the blog too!!